The other side of blogging

 

One the one hand this hasn't been a bad week keeping up with getting my tumblrs active, the blogs updated and finding time to be little me relaxing listening to some of those recordings I had for my Birthday.

Spring has sprung with the daffodils coming up on the green eventually even if it seemed odd that those in peoples gardens came out first, the birds are about and yesterday I saw a baby squirrel playing in the woods. 

Sometimes it can seem as if sharing this life may cut into having this life with lots of things going on but while it takes some doing usually I don't mind if it helps clue some people into to this life and break down a few misconceptions.

Yesterday though rather late into the evening I found this message:

"Hi I noticed you have dd1g posts. My blog doesn’t allow dd1g blogs to interact. Have a nice day though <3".

Well first things first, this person only posted ten times in April 2020 and not since so that's like nearly eleven months ago

The other thing is my Tumblr blog is NOT a ddlg blog, I never knowingly reblog anything from adult only kink tumblrs of any kind nor post anything myself that is.

Of course in the early days before minor friendly non sexual age regression was a thing on tumblr it was possible that you *may* of reblogged something from one even if the post itself wasn't.

Ever since being in nonsexual age regression communities from mid 2016 I've always checked and removed anything that might of come from such a source but when other people may spell "ddlg" in full with no deliberate use of say a 1 for an l (L), when saying on a post not to interact with a blogs that are, checking does produce false positives.

That is actually what happened and this user then blocked me 

Basically they blocked me for no good reason and you don't know where they may take it.

Ready to return

We're working in Firefox this week from the Windows Laptop as Pale Moon is having issues that makes it unreliable on Google's sites and touch and go on Tumblr too so I'm kind of hoping to see a bug fix this week.

 There's little escaping it from the press advertisements, the notices in uniform shops and increasingly offers from both online retailers plus certain supermarkets, the New Term is upon us.
In my world I'll be returning come September in grey as I have had a grey school jumper with a V neck which after all this medical stuff since July has preoccupied my time apart from how it's left me.
It should go well with my grey, green and black pleated skirts although unlike her in the picture I don't own a traditional leather satchel and indeed remember them fading out for briefcases or hold alls.
The worst thing you could ever have for carrying books in was the Duffle Bag which easily distorted and rubbed the corners of text books to the point some schools prohibited them for the damage they could cause.
The trouble was of course they were really intended for sports kit being made from a canvas material and not books so had no corners just a long tube shape with a drawstring that pulled the top closed.
Anyway I have my music ready to take away with sorted so bye for now!

Pre Christmas edition

Around this time of year I take a break as some of my oldest followers may recall for a few days from blogging, social media  and commentating on various sites cos in truth all of that is only possible from spare time and I'm busy dealing with face to face encounters and family events over Christmas which do take priority.
Christmas for me is a time of that child-like magic.

***HAPPY CHRISTMAS FOLKS!***

Introducing That Boarding School Girl

First post of the month where vacations end and school, college and university for some begin.

If you hadn't noticed there is something different about this blog from the last time or two since you looked at it although this has been on the cards for quite a long time, the last eighteen months really, so I think I'll explain it in question and answer form.

Q: Why did you change the title?
A: I changed it because in truth it was always the that bit more middle, more grown up version of my other (littles) blog dealing more with discussion of topical matters which came from the same spot that in English and General Studies we'd debate and present ideas from different angles that were to do with our world in a way that the other blog while marking events doesn't.

Q: Did you not like "Daytime Office Girl Crisis" as a identity for this blog?
A: I did, and I liked it heaps but that had no space for my middles side which is where I've always been at and the pressure of keeping that suppressed on a blog which is about my life rather than purely a hobby or interest was too much. That's what lead to having to explain this last year to you all.

Q: The blog layout looks a little different than it did. Why?
A: There a few reasons one is this blog goes back to 2006 and the displays on computers back then were smaller typically 1200 x 800 and 4:3 aspect ratio so the layout settings were narrower to accommodate people using smaller screens. Mine for instance was 800 x 600!
Also around that period some notebooks came out with screens of 1000 x 600  which may of widescreen but not that great. Today most are 1366 x 768 or better so I decided to more of that space for a less cramped presentation. This is set at 1050 so should be good for 1280 upward.
I have emphasized the page tabs for a more clearer easy to find look in line with my littles blog.

Q: Did you go to a boarding school at all?
A: Yes I did and I truly loved it, being an important part of what made me who I am.

Q: I see you kept a bit of that Shoujo Manga feel in this blog.
A: I couldn't think of a good reason to remove it as Manga art and anime as an animated cinematic art form all come from my middles side as no doubt teens and young people today develop their interest it too. As well, that was one the first communities to accept me as I am.

Q: You mention acceptance, was there any group that this blog was aimed at that played a part in this change?
A: Yes, the Angels who were the main group who read this blog to which I was very nervous talking about my middle side to but given how central it is to being me I talked at their forum about it and they just accepted it. I'd like to thank Jo Angel and the members for that.

Q: When you say it's a middles blog, are we going to see anything change much since I first started following you  a few years ago?
A: When it comes to the interest and hobbies that I'll be writing on, there won't be any  because that's always come from that side of me and those things that are more related to my middles lifestyle will go on the other blog. What it does mean is I can be more open about being me, allowing space for a fleeting reference to a  part of such as going away with like minded friends so while you won't get account of that, I can say I did or mention aspects of this life where it may help.

Q: Will there be any shared posts between your littles blog and this?
A: A few of which one is scheduled for tomorrow such as book reviews where my reading ability is badly impacted by my disabilities so I read more Junior Fiction and the odd music post. In general though the content on here will be unique to it.

Q: So it won't be 'littles' blog with post after post about toys, stuffies and age regression?
A: Exactly! The change  just allows me the space to be more open about this and where some sides of my life come from when it's needed.
Think of it as being the Journal of That Boarding School Girl, because there's little here than I'd of put in one at the time and that's my headspace.

Nancy and the New Girl

As seasoned readers of this blog know I do read a fair bit for pleasure although with my learning and developmental disabilities, they need to use more the language and reading abilities nearer to that of a child around ten to twelve than even junior adult fiction having the right mix of a good story and something that stretches me just enough.

The Nancy and St.Brides series of school based stories  by Dorita Fairlie Bruce is one I've been slowly making through since being presented  with one book and buying the others in a series of contemporary  high quality reprints.
Her writing style and use of language are a good fit for some one like me as are some of the works of Enid Blyton and Jacqueline Wilson being more for intermediate junior readers and the topics just a bit more mature.
When I wrote the last entry about this series earlier in the year, we left Nancy at Maudsley Grammar after a disastrous term at St. Brides, working on the resolving the feud between themselves and Larkistone through the Guildery movement and its ethos of moral  education and personal responsibility and the inter-school competitions.
This new term a heiress, Barbara Stephen, arrives and Nancy is involved in settling her in although the expression "two's company, three's a crowd" comes to mind as it place strains on her previous friendship with with Desda.
Things would of been so much the better if Barbara had not been so encouraged to see her role as that heiress, home taught by a Governess who very much indulged that very self centred, revolving all around her way of thinking who just wanted everything to be as it was. This meant when she was spirited away from those people who only wanted to be her parents for who she was with the inheritance for the Stephen's who cared more for her development as a child, she could not even see she had so much to be grateful for even for going to a lesser school.
An example of that defiant streak is her refusal to consider changing how she has her hair fixed as it is long and very wavy in a more grown up way while at school it would of been  a bit shorter and in pigtails or in a bob even though the signs from the other girls and even staff could not of been plainer. Nancy takes a principal stand of not ganging up on her but carefully steering her toward the values of the other girls, seeing  past all that attitude she possesses, that there was a lot of potential good and she joins the Guildry where that hair creates problems for the unit inspection although to Nancy's surprise given the problems she had in Section 6  as "Maid of Merit" with unit discipline and even fighting, Barbara does emerge with some credit for her conduct.
That three's a crowd side rears its head when Desda decides to study for a Scholarship (what I understand to be a funded place based on ability) with an examination when Barbara decides to spite her in a battle for affections to apply too even though she really has no need to  given her financial security which indeed brings her attempted kidnapping and would crush Desda's ambitions which she was fully able to realize.
During this period Barbara's relationship with school, the village she moved to and her new parents come under strain as her mind battles with the emotions her past way of life and that she now is in and expected to adjust to. Indeed she even begs her Aunt to have her back and home schooled but the kidnapping puts that very much on hold while finding Nancy, who spent hours looking for her and her new friends tending to her injuries sustained from escaping the kidnapping,  she finds herself torn between her original aim of leaving them all and wanting to play for Maudsley in the inter school cricket match.
Barbara finds even though she prepared for the scholarship exam revising, she struggles recalling information and understanding what the question is really requiring, something a person undertaking it is taught, so she fails it. 
Passing an examination requires mastering your nerves in addition to learning examination skills rather more than her sense of pride.
Having recovered from her injuries, she plays in the Cricket competition excelling, leading her team to victory, gaining acceptance from not just the other girls in the team but the whole school and soon she decides she really wants that school life as just a everyday girl part of a group than that exalted on display older girl as doll-child with all her refinery on.
Indeed the end is quite moving that she decides to give away her fancy dresses for her plain girls wear and her uniform and lets Nancy cut her hair in a bob using a pudding bowl: she has given up the past, literally discarding it accepting being molded anew apologizing to Nancy for how she treated her and the others.
Reading the story really made an impression on me, seeing family fortunes aside some similarities between myself and Barbara and where we were lost in self serving bubble that did us no good. Equally we shared a stubborn streak, refusing to accept change, deliberately ignoring the messages our peers and 'grown ups' especially were giving us even though it was very much for our own good.
Accepting change, moving on is very much the sign of a more mature attitude to life making that transition toward greater independence and personal responsibility.

Minnie the Mix and Leo Baxendale

On Thursday it was announced that Leo Baxendale, cartoonist at the Beano comic creator of Minnie The Minnie had died.

 
The Beano was something of institution, a handed down traditional rite of Britishers and for some from British families overseas too for its mixture of comics whose situations were truly only in your imaginations and some such as The Bash Street Kids and my heroine Minnie The Minx based upon our times at school and at home capturing just what it was our lives more more like as school children especially in the pre-internet era.

 
Minnie was very much the tomboy, not one for endless playing with toys and dolls but at the centre of all physical activities being very much the equal of any boy when it came to her strength, resourcefulness and daring-do being the Tam-o shantered and skirted equivalent of Dennis the Menace and just like him, running rings around Mom and Dad.

Here's a more recent strip, showing just how she plays pranks on girls the equal of what any boy would do.

Of course as in real life her pranks and at times outright naughtiness would catch up with her especially in pre 1990's editions as the authority figures in her life would discipline her.

This was something we'd all empathize with in an era would we'd get the same in our own lives and this interconnection between the lives we led and its portrayal in books, comics and other media was very strong which is why the death of the creator of big chunk of childhood leisure time is so keenly missed.
R.I.P Leo.

Reflections on a away visit

I've been away for a number of days in connection with that all encumbering part of my life that I don't really need to write a large account of here other than it's so very much the me I've been talking about for the  last ten months or so about here.
There are some reflections I do feel the need to talk about about on here one is learning to be grateful for what people freely do for you such as seeing I was struggling at one railway station a couple kindly offered to help carry my luggage and even checked when I got to the end of the stairwell I was all right who I no idea of.
There's the people who kept an eye on me as I was feeling a little homesick where I stayed, spending time with and the friend who knowing the sort of fiction I like, gave me a cherished book from their collection.
Then there is a friend of mine who kindly put me up, offering a cooked meal and a lift to the train coming back completely out of the blue, seeing I was on the right platform for my train to come in.
These acts of kindness really moved me but whereas in the past I'd of blocked out my emotions I thanked them properly for all those things they did not have to do,that I have no right to expect nor demand expressing my gratitude, revealing my sense of being humbled openly.

Check and replace

Seeing we're into the new year, I've been checking through my wardrobe for things that can be tossed away usually because over time they've gotten the worse for wear and given now how my life happens to be, it's all more functional stuff  a bit like rather college or school wear than high fashion.
Take my underwear for instance it's hard wearing, has a very close fit where you need it acting like draught excluders, and tends to be mainly of one colour to match my dresses and skirts. 
Seeing how some had gone I've replaced them by navy blue gym knickers which feel very snug on me and are very comfortable and unless it's really cold I tend to wear long socks rather than fashion tights which is yet another indication of the evolution of me over the time this blog started even if truthfully bits of it were always there mixed in.

Winter term

I've always had a bit of a mania for dolls to be honest stemming from childhood and if my memory happens to be correct, I have from time to time talked about some of my porcelain collectors dolls on here before I had to talk about this other side of me and since I had some more 'play' rag dolls and that.

What I'd give for set of dolls in British school uniform,eh?  Rather more than you'd  think and around now is when you'd be getting ready to return to school had you been an actual child and school is one setting I felt I belonged in to be honest. Safe, carefree, looked after.

Summer playtime

Summer for me always brings back memories of vacations of the past typically in traditional seaside resorts with beaches, long shore lines to walk on and playing in the sand, making big sandcastles with moats.

It's also days out at the fair, visiting the amusement arcades, eating ice cream, going on the Dodgems and riding the Merry-Go-Round with its distinctive rhythms without a care in the world.

It's also the place adult but child me really feels at home in, doing what I understand the best having fun.  

Reading for me

Reading is something I do enjoy although it has to be said my reading age is like the rest of developmentally me at a more child-like one so I generally read junior fiction finding even many 'young adults' fiction goes very much over my head so it's not something you can fix by just looking the odd word up in your dictionary.
I do enjoy stories centred on home and school life finding then easy to empathize to and relate with.

I quite like this, a cartoon based on the Enid Blyton The Naughtiest Girl series where Elizabeth Allen is sent to a unique co-ed boarding school hating the very idea as she really dislikes structure being impulsive and given for saying just what she thinks.
What is so unique about this school is in many ways it's those very school children who set the rules and in effect discipline each other with the adults in the background for guidance, the idea being they'll learn to  be self disciplined more by co-opting it rather than being made to.

Being the adult child

It's another week here and having explained something in this life of mine that is both important and something that separates it and that of most of you that we needed to as this blog moves on last week we shall continue to work our way through all of this.

There is no independent  adult sense of self about me, it's one of the things that makes my life so NOT age play although I've nothing against them or sharing spaces with them on terms I'm happy with because in the main they do have well developed adult selves, relating to other adults.
I don't relate at all to you as an adult whatever the law may say about people with my age because it isn't medically possible. I look toward you for guidance, love and protection as your girl, your responsibility because while I can be helped to be more responsible it's never going to at an adult level.
I would like you to really stop a moment and actually think about that because in the everyday world you are going to be looking after me. You need to forget what you thought you knew and from now on remember you're in charge and have some responsibility for a child in an adult body and some  of your conversations will just go totally over my head having much of the vulnerability of an actual child.
It's one reason it is better where possible for me to dress a bit younger because it does at least help to remind both of us of this important and perhaps painful truth although I've been living with this for a long time
Being dressed more like the adult posed  in this picture being in a more structured relationship that may include you disciplining me works that much better and I like it.

School uniforms and I

It's never not been really here on this blog even when I first started after the trial run on Friends Reunited just hinted it with the odd word here and deliberate omission there of why it was even if on the odd website or two it was overtly mentioned.

Following what actually happened to me around late 2005 through 2007 when due to 'adult commitments' that I just could not cope with  and also going way back into my late teens when I first felt strongly this regressive side of me, I started spending time in school type uniforms while recovering, making up a structured day because I began to realize I needed the security of a fixed structure like I had in school to cope with day to day living, having a time for activities and proper breaks.
I also found part of the age regression in me did relate to having a longing to wear such a uniform obviously not in public because I felt more 'me' in it and the ritual of putting it on to work in helped as emotionally I was a mess because it not only settled me but also helped in being more disciplined in the use of my time.
In 2016 I can publicly come out and say that here. 

Being yourself

The more you start to think about how we interact with people, the more you begin to see the greater gap that creeps in between how a person feels and from that acts and the hold trying to stay within the favour of a group becomes.

This is where I feel I've gone wrong very much in the past. To try to stay in with groups that didn't just toss me aside I just ceased living, echoing more their ideas and where it was mine and theirs differed, well I just acted like I wasn't there and in effect gave them power over who and what I am.
And it all started at school. The good news in my life as it is now, we're picking up where I dropped off, I will be me, I will say things and do things as me.

I'm little and that's just that!

Being little

A lot has happened in my life since this blog was first established to the point it isn't recognizable as my life as lived anymore and it has been a struggle for me to keep a blog going that has not come out and talked about the biggest side of my life and what makes it different to yours.
I am what is called a 'little' something I have touched on on Angels because with you it got to the stage I just had to because I have the mindset of a person much younger than my years and very much child-like even though legally I'm a adult and generally adults are expected to meet such responsibilities as working or studying, paying your way in society. 
In general terms Littles and Middles notwithstanding what they need to do studying or at work, pursue hobbies and interests that  are routed very much in their own experiences in 'childhood'  coming from their 'Inner Child' often with the same intensity and passion that you'd think it was that' child' playing.
For me this thing is both routed in my severe disabilities and also in part therapeutic, making coping with life better for me. 
Sometimes you may play, draw or maybe colour by yourself or you may meet with others who share the same sense of being 'forever a child' in that sense be it around peoples own homes or by meeting up at venues which are often discrete.
For some it begins and ends with just 'the play' for others it may extend into dressing more like the age of the 'child within' while do so with say dresses that wouldn't be far removed  from that of a young girl at a party or play clothes like dungarees or for some school wear.
Getting back that 'child within' then if he or she comes out more in tune with Tweens or young Teens then personally I'd say the were an Adult (cos the law says so) Middle even if for some reason they still had a more classic little side which for I do, not least due to multiple disabilities some which do lead to learning and developmental ones around that point.
That is why I identify as a Middle rather as a Little (more younger age up to about 7 or 8) which doesn't mean I can't join in and play with littles at all it's that simplier there are other interest that aren't normally in there while we do share a need for oversight in our lives.

The same but different

Where pasts and presents meet up is has always been a point of interest for me pretty much though my whole life as it never seemed you jettisoned anything completely for me at least it's just been 'the same but different' 
You may learn new skills, acquire knowledge though new possibly challenging experiences that make an impression on you but in other ways still  'the same' as ever before.
For me that's feeling as fresh faced as the schoolgirl I was.

On girlishness

I saw this a few days so and really it's not something I talk about here but it is very much the kind of thing I not just liked when I was younger but still strongly identify with.

There's a awful lot of young girl in me which sometimes shows when I post on sites with an older target audience so it's like how ever the number of times I've gone around the sun, I'm always young and with a child-like mind set. I struggle to keep this part of me separate. 

Fall update 2010

A lot of water has passed under the bridge since I started this blog in March 2006 and I mentioned how certain events in my life had impacted on me even talking at one site tentatively about part of my coping mechanism, finding and using the inner child me.

Part of this age regression is a coping mechanism being literally the child-like with vulnerabilities me working within what I can actually cope with rather than pushing so hard at appearing to act more grown up and sophisticated I am left to cope with what I can't with no support and guidance and part is coping with how the nervous breakdown affected me.  
I am wearing more child-like attire privately such as this jersey tunic as it helps to lift me more into that headspace and less likely to be 'read' as a fully grown up girl.
I am looking more at finding people who are more like me to explore it more so I get more from my life on terms that are truly appropriate for me although I will remain at the sites I have belonged for the last few years even if it feels I have to put a bag over my face when it comes to just being open about myself and  my own life beyond.

Spring 2009

We're heading very much toward the spring now so there are a number of upcoming animes and cd releases schedules that I intend to buy and write reviews of here on  my blog apart from other interests.
I do wear school type uniform a lot because when you're very much child-adult me with a permanently on child's mindset it just feels  more me, it also is hard wearing and less fussy being easy for me to put on and look after properly.
It's that that makes me and by extension this blog what it is.

Kawaii and I

Something that has always been a part of me is a liking for kawaii or otherwise cute things that may or may not be be linked with cartoons, childrens tv series or the like so I wouldn't collect them in a collecting sense

With me this has everything to do with being a coping mechanism that pulls me out of anxiety and also a part of the child-like brain damaged me that needs to see, feel and play with tactile objects especially small ones as handling them helps me stay 'in the moment' and concentrate on that situation.

I really like the Sanriotown characters such as Twin Stars, My Melody, Chococat and of course Hello Kitty.