The languages of apology

As a reader of this blog, you will have realized I'm by no means  perfect having gotten into situations that I shouldn't and a good part of what it is about is helping me change those habits of a lifetime in part by the establishment of clear rules for me to learn to live by rather than just overriding yours and by consistent  reinforcement of boundaries so I do learn to keep within them.

The other side to this is teaching me what to to put things right in real time so I assume appropriate responsibility for my own actions where in the past I've ever shrugged my shoulders or attempted to play a card - usually a disability card to exempt myself from the standards expected of others.

I need people to take me through this so I am as responsible as I am actually capable of disabilities aside so I learn to conform to your standards and expectations.

Looks of a little me

If there ever was any real doubt at all over where I was coming from I think a lot of the posts I made around fashion probably would show it more because with some of compromises I felt were necessary they still very much "Tammy Girl" or the younger side of Top Shop than anything for people outside of their 20's.

This sort of thing is so me beyond talk of 'play clothes' or uniform liking knee or especially over the knee socks shorter more rounded skirts and relatively plain  but with some edge of fabric detail tops with longish sleeves as I don't feel super comfortable showing my shoulders and arms off.

Exploring together

I wasn't too good over the last two days although I got up okay, messaging a friend and getting the last mammoth blog entry published with links at all the usual spots to make it easier to people to follow it. Shortly afterward I felt a migraine coming rather quickly so I quickly got my tablets out a jug full of water with glass, closed the curtains and went bed.

 It wouldn't be me in the midst of all that to be thinking of other things, I mean it's so funny but sometimes I'm more together when it comes to thinking ideas up when I'm  like that than any other time.
One is how many times we hear of people who do something a little outside of the mainstream such as follow a dress style and wear it, have aspects of our lives that others may not be so keen on such as your gender identity, sexuality and being a little and so on who struggle to have people they feel they can be open with as friends. And this in age of forums, emails and social media.
Sometimes it may be that the individual has difficulties forming and holding down personal relationships which may not be helped if others are way too quick to judge elementary mistakes but life if you appear not to be able to learn from them can be hard.
Sometimes groups have very much a "My way is the only highway" approach, setting very exacting positions people are at least to go along with if not openly endorse which at times is so ironical being in mind the reason for  existence of some groups is the very excludedness those people felt from others they project themselves.
To  me it seems in order to progress we need to be open to difference, able to tolerate difference and understand  the expression of differing views often leads to more informed thoughts and decisions.
If we find understanding something hard - and it genuinely can be -  we need to be prepared to  work with someone who will explain it and engage with them changing what we are doing if it isn't helping us.
We also need to learn to hold hands more with the people who can helps us explore and grow as people which may include learning more about some of things that unite us but may not be part of other peoples lives.
If you're a more child-like as I am, you need to find those spaces you can let this side of you out openly without the distractions of regular adult stuff going on.

Wide angle lenses for the Olympus cameras

I consider wide angle lenses to be a basic requirement allowing you the opportunity to take broad landscapes, photograph groups of people at social functions as well as travel pictures and have two for the Olympus OM bodies I use.

In general I am not given to using standard zoom as I find the image quality falls below that which is obtainable from so called fixed length lens and many have the apertures varying as you zoom which messes up manual and spot metering readings.

As I use a tripod making small adjustments to frame the image and keeping it all level is not a big deal to me

For general landscapes I use the Olympus Zuiko 28mm F2.8 pictured below a lot liking its colour renditions and ease of use. The construction of Olympus's own lens is extremely good being all metal.

Another good feature of them is the aperture settings are at the front making for rapid focusing and metering while you are looking through the viewfinder.

 I bought this lens in September 1996 for the OM10 when I was test driving it.

My first love though is the 35mm F2.8 which I bought around 2002 from Camtech over the phone. 

I found whenever I used a zoom most of time I was using around this focal length because it's ideal for travel photograph and has less of a problem with converging verticals when you photograph buildings. Although the edges wide open are slightly soft they come in by F8 and it looks really good. Some say they found the contrast a bit low but honestly I've never found it on the films I've used (Velvia 50/Reala 100).

I got mine boxed with the case and thin front cape used and love it.

Changesonebowie

Between studying I have been listening to some music and arriving last Friday was this, the vinyl reissue of the very first David Bowie compilation entitled changesonebowie that came out originally in 1976.

It was the first album that featured John I'm Only Dancing and in the eyes of many had a seamless unity running through the selection that made it most satisfying to play from start to finish starting with Space Oddity through Jean Genie to Golden Years from his Station to Station album issued early in 1976.
The cover photograph is very iconic.

 It was reissued May 20th  in random form with half the copies on standard black vinyl an the other clear like the one I got with no indication which you'll be getting!
Although this is sourced from high resolution digital files it does sound better than the original UK album overall and is noticeably cheaper to buy compared to a used original!
Having so many of my favourite 45's from childhood playing this was a enjoyable trip through time so I'm glad to have gotten it.

Reading for me

Reading is something I do enjoy although it has to be said my reading age is like the rest of developmentally me at a more child-like one so I generally read junior fiction finding even many 'young adults' fiction goes very much over my head so it's not something you can fix by just looking the odd word up in your dictionary.
I do enjoy stories centred on home and school life finding then easy to empathize to and relate with.

I quite like this, a cartoon based on the Enid Blyton The Naughtiest Girl series where Elizabeth Allen is sent to a unique co-ed boarding school hating the very idea as she really dislikes structure being impulsive and given for saying just what she thinks.
What is so unique about this school is in many ways it's those very school children who set the rules and in effect discipline each other with the adults in the background for guidance, the idea being they'll learn to  be self disciplined more by co-opting it rather than being made to.

Return to studying

My life is evolving not least since the last few years with bits of that being said at certain sites like Angels, sometimes referenced on here but in truth it's going to take this blog in differing direction.
One part of that has been studying across weekends to tackle some of my very real problems in core areas such as everyday Maths and English which with the odd pause for weekends away or illness has been going on since the beginning of this year.
Since I had been away last weekend the resumption of studying this weekend tackling the outstanding English work taking our time was set so I don’t over do things but equally I not allowed  to get away with not doing the things I can do.

It’s always been easier to sit around not doing things either expecting an exemption, or because those who might of expected anyone else to  seem to think I shouldn’t to the point they never really saw what I could do because they never had me try it or I was feeling like being bone lazy.

So for a very long time my default was to do nothing and in so far anything like studying went  if it wasn’t going to be easy then plenty of people would just let me do next to nothing even while it may of hard going, I could of done something more.

That’s really thing that is changing both with the studying having to do things I find hard, coping with flare ups of some of my conditions which consideration is given to and even being with people where I am expected to help out, contributing in kind that people are helping me turn around those old habits being prepared to pull me over a lap for a spanking when I didn’t do it which truthfully is what the child emerging teen should of gotten apart from having some kind of agreed chores list.

Thinking over how I have dealt with my recent paw problems plus my more recent visits staying with people underscores this so much.